Don Draper's Days Are Numbered

Count 'em! Ten days till the return of Mad Men! Of course, every detail--from plot lines to set design--has been guarded like the heir to a royal empire. Even the costume closet is locked under a cone of silence. All we know is the air-date, for crying out loud. In its recent Best of New York issue, New York Magazine did a clever head-fake to get around the guards: hiring an actuary to examine some raw data and estimate just how long Don Draper has to grace the fictitious worlds of Madison Avenue and Wanton Philandering. As the magazine reports, he was born in 1926.

Between the years of 1953 and 1963, he drank five drinks a day (stiff ones, often in a highball), smoked two packs of cigarettes a day (that's 40 unfiltered Lucky Strikes), and had at least 13 different sexual partners.

Throw in some crazed push-ups and melancholy laps in a swimming pool and here's what the actuary figures: "With Draper's lifestyle (especially smoking, drinking, and high blood pressure), his normal life expectancy is reduced by ten years. People with higher incomes live longer, but in his case it's offset by all the other things. Still the exercise is very positive. You could add an additional half-year for that. Draper's Estimated Year of Death is 1985." Which would make him 59 years old. Too soon! But, oh, imagine the fine grey flannel he'll be buried in.